Today is Zeke's and my (our?) one year anniversary, dating. I'm not one to really celebrate anniversaries. I think it's because that the girls my own age that did celebrate anniversaries (ANY anniversaries -one month. Six months. Etc.) were the frivolous kinds of girls I did not want to be.
But Zeke is different. I'm different now. We made a big deal together over Valentine's Day. (There were flowers and he made me dinner and we ate by candlelight and I was speechless at it all.) We're not to make a big deal out of today. It seems so much longer than a year. And yet this past year seems to have flown by. I think it's because there's barely been a week in which Zeke and I haven't spent time together.
Anyway. Today is the one year anniversary of me and Zeke dating.

Sometimes, I can be a very selfish person.

When Kelli told me she'd be staying around another year, instead of going to Casanovia College, all the way in New York, my heart twanged a bit for her, and then I got teary eyed. I realized how much I would have missed her had she really been gone.
I'm not the best at keeping friends. If they move away, or if I move away, slight correspondence happens, but over all, my policy as a child was 'move on'. 'Forget'. It made it easier to move around so much and lose so many friends at a young age. Because I always knew I would be moving soon (I never cared if Mom and Dad said it was the last time for a long time. It never ever was.) I always bounded right in. I would jump in and hold on tight. And when the time came, I'd let go. The best sort of friends were the ones I could come back to someday, and pick up right where we left off. I did it with Kelli, with more than ten years separating our initial friendship as young children.
Then New Hampshire came about.

Suddenly I wasn't moving anymore. I was stock still. If something terrible happened, there was no where to runaway to with my family. Suddenly, those outgoing risks I was so used to taking were terrible, insurmountable things. What had I been doing all my young life?
I did notice. First year classes at Agape, back at the old church, I noticed it quite well. We would all be friends and then we would break for Summer. I'd see Kelli and Jenna at events. And then I'd come back and there would be another wall up around the other girls I would talk to. So I moved on to other girls and boys to talk to. The same thing happened. The idea that friendship really needed work over the space of a summer really got to me. I didn't have enough money to do all the things that kids did in the summer. What were all these other kids thinking?

I took solace in the fact that I was smarter than them. More obedient. When someone told me to be quiet, I was quiet. If I had to be told twice it would take me a day or two to get over that fact.

As I grew into my teen years I found myself shrinking. I'm still shrinking in a lot of ways. I see parts of me dieing. Were they good parts? Bad parts? Do I even remember what parts they were?
I like going to church. I don't feel in a cloud there. I'm liked there, for some reason.

I may have a job soon. At the local market/gas station. I'm scared and nervous about it and I just... I dunno, it's something so radically different from what I wanted and yet I am in fact looking forward to it.

Lately, I just feel like I'm walking in molasses every time I'm not fueled by a rush of adrenalin.
I'm hoping this job will help that. Help stop my mind from becoming soup.

I'm sadder than I used to be. When did that happen?
All these good things happening around me and yet when no one is looking I feel terribly solemn. I look for things to make me happy and excited again. One of those things is baking.
It's not helping my hips/thighs any though. I do LOVE to bake.

This new job will help me. It's within walking distance of my house. It's a market that's falling down around itself. I get to help it out. Help clean it up. It's pretty dirty.

I started this post because I miss my friends. I finished this post because I realized that writing it was making me sad, when instead, I could be happier baking homemade pretzels, like I promised I would do today.

Happy Fat Tuesday?
(Ha. Ha. Ha.)
But seriously, have a good day.

I'm here.
*looks around*

So, it's official. Typing without a keyboard stinks. It hurts and it's no fun. But internet through an iPod is a million times better than no iPod at all. No internet at all.
But today, what do you know, Zeke was able to loan me a laptop. A little ol' Dell. He's a pretty think. Sensible. Black. Works. Quickly. Efficiently. To a point that makes my brain POP. I can't even multi-task on here. It's insane. The keyboard is almost a foreign thing to me. If I think about it too hard I can't do it. I have to find that spot in my head where I just go and type like I'm talking. I slip in and out of the mental stage like I'm on ice. It's crazy.
What's going on in my life recently?

I just survived my family camping trip. Every year my mom's brothers and their respective families go camping and it's like our mini reunion of sorts. It's something of an ordeal actually. You'd have to know my family to understand, but believe me when I say that in a way, I'm like the black sheep of the group. And then we'll match up in ways that scare me. But thus is family. Lots of smoke, lots of loud talking.
But as trips go, it was the most uneventful, most not stressful one we've had in years.
However, it's come to the family's attention that my cousin Jennifer is going on dialysis this year and needs a new kidney.  So a lot of people in the family are getting tested and so forth, to see what we can do. A long shot - but an important shot to take.
Jennifer is 26. Athena, her daughter will be (as she'll let you know immediately) 7 in January.
I've not really ever been in a hospital for much. But I figure, getting tested can't hurt. I'll be researching it. *shrugs*
There's a lot to consider. I know.

SoulFest is coming up! Zekiel's business, ReMine Recycling is going to be handling the recycling this year! This is a BIG deal. We also get a vendor booth for advertising purposes. And I intend to do my very best to help run said booth to the best of my abilities.
Without missing Superchick, Jim Trick and Fort Pastor, of course. Haha!
But no, seriously, I'm really excited.

Funny story - I call my father the other day and apparently, I had a ticket for going out to California I knew nothing about. I leave for California August 18th.
Having a ticket is good news. I'd been kinda afraid I'd been forgotten. Silly, I know, but believe me, I was surprised that I hadn't gotten one yet. And with being camping and so forth I'd just not had enough time to dedicate to a call. And I wasn't worried about it enough to email. I'm a lazy Kiaya. I really am.

But today - today I got a kick in the butt. And I think that I'm going to go crazy with productivity. About time, I know.

I've started reading again. That's helped me a lot with dealing with the summer. Practically mindless reading. Lots of ingesting stories and thinking about my own, inside me. I've got a lot of stories inside of me you know. And now I've got another way to write them down.
I write with a computer and on paper much differently. Ideas and words come out waaaay differently. It's hard to explain. But I like writing on the computer to get actual stories out. Ideas or outlines or other sorts of smaller things are better for paper. At least, that's for me. I know it differs writer to writer.

Funny story.
So, in my SCA branch, for my medieval stuff, I'm a deputy herald. This means I help out during the court sessions with the scrolls and awards, and it's a pretty cool deal. My head herald is this awesome lady, Val, who also writes and is pretty much a really good person to know. I love Val.
So last week, during one of the business meetings, Val mentions how she's not going to Pennsic, our really big camping event, and since her drop-dead deputy Kiaya is also not going, she needs someone to stand in for one thing.
Now a drop-dead deputy is simply the person who takes over if the officer(herald in this case) suddenly "drops dead" and can't perform their duties.
Now, I'm not Val's only deputy. There's another lady, an adult, who's also a deputy of Val's. I thought (and would have sworn to you) that she was Val's drop-dead.
Nope. It was me.
Val's never had to use me in that capacity yet, so I mean, that was my excuse for not knowing. But like, I didn't even have a clue. No one had told me. I mean, that's the sort of thing I would have remembered. Because that means if Val isn't at an event, I'M the one who has to do all the fancy-schmancy announcing there. This is, for me, a big deal. It's cool - I'm actually really pleased that I am. But I mean, I figured it was something someone would have told me.
I guess they figured I wouldn't mind. They were right. Just goes to show I'm like some weird open book.

Where do bobbypins go? I mean, I could have sworn that they'd be found in my pockets or on my bedside table - but they're never there when I want them. I mean, the little guys just disappear!
Why am I mentioning this?
My hair is at that terrible length that it takes about four bobby pins and an elastic band to tie back my hair into a practical out of my face/off my neck hair-do. It looks terrible. But it's what is required to keep my hair back.
Why is this so bad? Won't it just grow out? Yes. It will grow out. But not in time for me to be in the desert. Which means that I'm going to have to cut it. Because I'm not going out there with Dad and company and be sweating and over heating because I've got hair where it shouldn't be. This saddens me because I REALLY want to grow it out. Granted, it's grown about two or three inches since February. Which means that by Christmas time it will have some back a good deal.... but still. I wanted longer hair again and I just can't seem to get that.
We'll see what happens.

Okay - I'm getting distracted. I ought to end this.
Long stuff short - I'm alive and actually doing well. Busy and muddled, but well.